As of now

As of now I don't know really what in store for me next. I mange to beat the legal system the school system and the teenager that annoying. I succeeded by understanding these people out here and trying to figure out why there here. But realist illy I'm prohuman I don't understand things how others do. I don't have a perfect fairy tale life I manage with what goes on in my life and I try to understand why I'm like this. I see things most people don't ever see in there everyday life I've been trough a lot were most people don't even know about going through at my age range. I'm super glad I made it this far to be 18 and writing my story and letting other understand what I go through everyday. Sometimes it hard for me to live why cause I feel like most people try to stop my meaning in life. Like I don't understand certain things about our world that most kids know. But I know I do understand that the people in the world our lost just like me they don't know what to do with the next generation they don't really know how to relate to them. But it's not that hard to relate to them cause all you have to do is talk to them what goes on in there mind. Just how you wanted to know what went on in our minds and understand what we go through. We have to let them speak the new generation becoming faster then us and there trying to fid there meaning. They was born in the beginning of technology. There the ones who going to help this world become the next future but we need to help them. I'm not talking about just American children no the other children that work hard everyday just to stay alive and take care of familes like it there life when they should be understanding how to speak and write and read and try to mange in life like we do but there government system doesn't want that what if these children we observe in different country that don't have nothing we feel bad for them we see the commercial we see the ads but here the thing why did we have to take it that far when long time ago people use to live in peace and they can travel all around and learn from the best. We had teacher all around that we learned from. You really want to know what happened well let see when people started to come into territory that wasn't there and started to boss people around and make them do things. Like work for them be a farmer and work in factories make children go to work that stop then made them go to school. See people back then really isn't understand each other they couldn't relate. Then there me the one who was supposed to die, thousand of times but can't because the story not over to I say this is the ending of my life story. Now I try to write my story many times before but actually couldn't because I didn't know we're to start or what I should talk about. In my life I learn how to understand people from all different society, make them feel cozy with there lives and with me and understand why I'm here. Now people might think I'm crazy but I think I'm the key to help this world out to become something better then what it seems. Make sure that we keep going for next generation and on because my life not over with yet and I still have a lot of things I need to be solved but there unsolved still. People think of me as a angle some think of me as a devil. But I think I'm a person trying to understand every person In this world understand what type of people there is in the world understand what they do how they feel most people. Get that one vibe from me that good vibe of safeness why they get that is because I'm a sweet hearted person that understand people have worst lives then me. And I would trade my life with any I them just so they can at least have something. My purpose is to not die and become that person that stop all this oh your poor and I'm wealthy oh your new money well I'm old money and the hate on people. No ones does it to me cause I don't pay them no mind I try to ignore it but hey I'm human I do have feeling it do effect me it not at that moment in time but it does. Another thing the only reason why I can go any where in the world and people will understand me is because I don't have nothing yeah I got nice clothes nice shoes and phone but literally I don't have shit. Why because my lover I'm still waiting for but I know will never come back. Yeah I make a few twist to my story just go with it. I try the straight scene doesn't work for me I even try the gay scene doesn't work cause all that want me is. Old guys ewwww and the young guys feel I'm a threat to them why because of my beauty now I work hard on myself so people can't say I'm ugly or look a hot mess because I don't. I'm always looking at my skin seeing things that other people don't see, but I do that because I'm black and they can't see it cause there use to white people skin realistically. They don't care really. Now what really strange about me is the people that change pop forever was the ones that I favor the most. I feel like I'm this lucky child that growing up into my adult hood still confused still lost on things. Why cause I was to busy sleeping getting fuck up and partying. But I'm not going to lie when I say that didn't stop me from trying hard to get up I the morning to go to school and try doing my work. I have to push myself to do it now I know school not for me but I'm not going to. Become famous from me just sitting here looking good I have to accomplish it and work to the top to it. Now in everybody life there that one person that evil and try to stop you. You need to fight back, stand up, bringing to the attention to someone, runaway, do something to get away from this evil that hold you why because if you do that help you to finish your story. See most people wouldn't make it if they didn't get rid of the bad evil sprit that with them we all have it we just don't know why we do. The reason is when we was born we had a good thing and bad thing. They made it seem like there was something else so they influence  people on what it was. In different generation we all have that one thing we know that no one else knows. That we feel like were connected with someone or something. Why you may ask we feel this it's because when we die we be brought back to life in a different time period different door that opens up and it contained the secret to all this see they say we're going to die. Only to scare people and then put control on there lives. I know in my next future where ever it might be the one that stand out the most from everyone is me and hopefully they accomplish to stop this cycle in life and to try helping us live beautiful lives then all this oh we need energy oh we need more water more food more everything. Well if maybe we try to make more and just give it out maybe other people will feel like there not alone yes so many people help some of what out there by adoption, save them from probity and getting the. Out of there country back to USA soil so they can be free. But here the thing there too many people they say well let see if there too many people why don't we just try build more. If more people want to come here we need to rejoin with everyone. Here something to think about what if the world was going to end, in the movie 2012 they showed all the rulers of every country and what was touching was out of all of them only one stood up and said let them on all of them why do we have to be total ass holes and say fuck the world population. That what there going to do the ones that don't make it won't come only the higher class made it but what if everyone knew about it wouldn't you think everyone will try to help build more cause there more people but here the thing when there so many people they really don't care if the world fall apart because all they think about is there self. You can try to argue with me that I'm wrong but idgaf( I don't give a fuck) why, cause it my story and what I believe is true. Most people might say that absurd to think that but it true. I know it's true cause people don't really care about people. Do you actually know how many people our on this earth I bet not why cause they don't want to actually understand d this all the meaning of this world and what become of it by 2020. Now they wonder why I put that one we'll let just say I have a huge hunch that the world we live in will change Into something you never see a day in your life. I stay to myself and draw what become next in fashion or what going to happen. Why because I get these dreams and when they come they tell me more and more about what going on in the world and what coming. Well that it's for today guys enjoy your mother day. 

What goes in my head

Okay so I'm hear eating a nice cold bowl of cereal it's really early in the morning and I need to get some sleep but I can't cause I have a autobiography I have to write. Which I'm very nervous about okay I've been doing this my whole life I've been putting pieces together that don't make sense to me but other no what I'm going through. So today was a alight day I went for a walk it was very nice and entertains I guess but anywho I love it like  I had a blast I dance some of the way and just walked you know. The crazy thing about school is I wasn't supposed to be this kid that everyone like and admire cause I'm weird and don't fit in there bubble but hey who am I just a 18 year old guy that still trying to find his way in life cause I can't kill my self I'm too scared and what about this meaning to my life there not one actually its all the same but no one understand that with me, like I haven't found that one yet. In life to understanding your own reason is to go outside the box of all things and try to mister pit your life and then your next one some people say that we're all the same but we our we go out and create situations for ourself because this will be a boating life time you know this oaths egging of technology before it get bigger in years an loose what really going to happen someone going to stop what every country doing and make them a Europa why I say that we'll let just say I know how I know is because I'm supposed to know. Just like the music I listen to it that feeling I get when I hear the so g or the rhythm of it al. It means so much to me when I here that song in my head why I listens toit so  much is because that the only thing that keep me stable in my life.  Before you know it the tech become so well will make other people become slaves and do what ever we want to then because we can. Before you know it were going to have so any people In the world were going to have to eat them to get to what we really want to save our energy to save lives of other and don't worry about running out of oil or anything else like food and supply's. well goodnight I'm no done it I'm very tire even though I don't want be. 

Happy

On a brighter note I finished my aid and my college application which is great I hope I can make it. Idk like when I see thing I want it to be great but I'm scared it not.

Sad

Okay I know this is crazy but I feel I'm not perfect I'm not non-perfect either like everyone know my name they see I still try my best in life and they see I keep pushing forward to keep going. Yeah I have people to talk to but I don't have a best friend I don't have nothing really it sad cause I miss my best friend everyday I wish I can change everything over time but I can't I wish I never left this place and stay and I still will think I would have my best bro my brother. Yeah I have a brother but Allen was my real bother no matter what no one said he always been. We been through so much in life now I'm just lost and lonely and that how my life is going to be I can say just livening to I get something better for myself. I wish I still had my old bf he understand me like no one else did. It sad that I really had to let him go and ill never see him ever aging I wish I can go back in time just to see you aging I miss you more then anything in the world ill never forget you what we share was something more then anything I ever felt in the world. Yeah I acted like a bitch but you like that about me. And I miss everyone I had fun I enjoy staying there I enjoy people company I love to talk to the kids they help me out more then any body in the world cause these kids understand my life they knew what was wrong what bother me what happened all that I feel like I wish I can go to vandyland one more time and do it over and over aging.

What bother me.

What bother me In life is I'm a statistic. What I mean by that I was born into a group that wasn't supposed to get as far as I did I was supposed to be in jail or drop out of school or anything of that sort. It pretty sad to hear that I was in that group of people when you really know me I'm the most nicest person you ever meet yeah I can't talk well or write well but I try my best to do what ever I can in life because I'm not going to fail myself and not make it. I want to make it so bad but I'm scared that something going to happen and I won't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I had follower so it could be easy for them to see we're I'm coming from on a every day basis.

My life decision

Like okay I think I want to be a fashion blogger and fashion merchandiser also a fashion designer including club promoter you know cause I want to start making money and getting myself out there so what need I to do is make card and other thing so hopefully this all work outfit me

LIFE, HOPE, DREAMS

So like I fuck up really bad I missed basically a whole month went by and I've been sleeping not going to school fucking up when I shouldn't do that. I don't know how I am going to get out of this mess hopefully I have faith in myself and I do cause I really don't know what to do now. I wish there was people on my blog maybe they can help me out with this but no I'm all alone that sucks. But sometimes I wish I leAve this small town and to somewhere in life that fun and amazing and great for me to do all the things I want to do to be free and lie my life as I wanted to I didn't want to go to school I want to just live life go to town to town you know nothing else that all I wanted to do but I'm so dumb and stupid I fuck everything up in my life. But people make mistake I guess but really I don't know how to explain it I wish I can go out of these walls and be me and free forever no drama just live my life and see where it takes me